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Moving has become common in the American way
of life. Statistics show that one out of
five families’ moves every year. Many
families are familiar with relocating;
others will be moving this year for the
first and perhaps only time.
But whether a family is a veteran or a
rookie in the moving process, one aspect of
moving that is frequently overlooked or left
to chance is the effect relocation will have
on children.
Many factors contribute to how a child
reacts to a move. Here is a brief look at
some of them.
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Reasons why we move
If you as parents view the move as
the fulfillment of some hope or
ambition, the feeling you will
transmit to those around you will be
a happy one. You will meet the
inconvenience of relocating with a
positive outlook.
On the other hand, if the move is
associated with disappointment or
grief, you and your children will be
bothered, and the children may be
unintentionally left to fend for
themselves in a situation they
probably do not understand.
But regardless of the motivation for
your move, attention to children's
feelings is very important. Which
leads to the second factor: |
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Communicating with the children
Talking with your children about the
move is of top priority. Explain to
the children at their own level of
understanding why you are moving,
what the new home will be like, and
how each of them can contribute to
the success of the family's
relocation.
Encourage them to express their
feelings on the subject. Accept
their attitudes, even if they are
negative, and discuss with them your
own feelings. Remember that you
probably have some misgivings about
leaving, too, no matter how nice
your new situation promises to be.
Be honest. Truth will go a lot
farther than pretense in preparing
children for the move. And remember
that the strength of the family as a
unit will contribute immeasurably to
the readiness and confidence with
which the children adapt to their
new surroundings. |
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Our last move
If children have moved before, the
current move will probably recall
memories of feelings they
experienced during an earlier move.
If the feelings were not pleasing,
the child may exhibit signs of
depression, withdrawn behavior, or
tantrums as the pending moving day
nears. Watch for these signs, and
when dealing with them remember that
the child himself may not fully
understand the reasons for his
behavior.
For children who have not moved
before, this experience may be their
first with giving up the known for
the unknown. While they may seem to
accept the move well, understand
that their need for reassurance and
security is high. |
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How old I am
Each child, due to age and life
experience, will view the move
differently. An infant, of course,
will be least affected. As long as
he is comfortable and his normal
routine isn't disrupted too much, he
won't be concerned.
But the pre-school child can pose a
problem. His sense of identity
relies on his parents, the family
routine, and several objects that
are special to him. When he sees his
favorite toys being packed and put
away, his crib being dismantled, and
his mother rushing about with
apparently little time to spend with
him, he begins to worry. One of his
greatest fears is that he will be
left behind. Children fear
abandonment.
The temptation may be great to send
your pre-schooler to a babysitter
during the move, but he will feel a
lot better if you let him remain
with you. Let him pack and tote
along some of his special
possessions (do not discard any of
them before the move, no matter how
old and tattered they are).
The grade school-age child has a
more highly developed sense of self
because his world extends beyond the
family circle. His developing sense
of discovery may make the idea of
moving exciting to him. While he
will go leaving friends, they will
not be the deep, vital friendships
of older children. The expressed
concerns of a grade schooler usually
deal with how well he will fit into
where he is going.
The teenager, of course, usually has
enough problems even in a stable
environment. Social activities and
friends have by this time
overshadowed the family as sources
of identity. Discussions with your
teenager may provide clues on how
you can help him without seeming too
"pushy." Help him track down
organizations and groups in the new
area that are involved in activities
that interest him. Encourage him to
bring new friends to your home, even
if the house isn't yet as
presentable as you might like.
Since school provides a major
orientation for children, another
important factor is: |
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When are we moving?
One of the unfortunate myths about
relocation says that school age
children should not be moved until
summer. Many families have undergone
considerable inconvenience just to
avoid a school-year move. But a
summertime move may pose more
problems than it solves.
Since school is a primary source for
making friends, a summertime move
will place your child in unfamiliar
surroundings at a time when his
chances for making friends are at a
minimum. When school opens in
September, he enters the first day
chaos as a stranger. The teacher,
also, facing a new class, will not
be able to identify his discomfort
and need for special attention.
A move during the school year, on
the other hand, allows your child to
go directly from one social setting
into another. He's new, so his
classmates-and more important, the
teacher--pay attention to him.
Curricula in the elementary grades
in particular are flexible enough to
allow school transfer with a minimum
of academic problems. High school
curricula are generally more
structured, which can cause some
transitional academic difficulties.
However, these difficulties would
also be a problem in September in
the case of a summertime move. The
uncertain academic drawbacks of
relocation during the school year
should be weighed against the social
problems a summer move is almost
certain to cause. |
Good ideas!
Bear in mind that whatever the reasons
behind moving, this will represent a big
change for all members of the family.
Emotional fatigue and confusion can cause
emotions to run high and tempers to run
short. Prior preparation will enable your
whole family to better handle the crisis
that relocating can precipitate.
Here are several ideas for making the
transition as smooth as possible for your
children:
· Include the
children in making plans for the move. For
example, take them with you, if possible,
when you go hunting for your new house or
apartment.
· If you are
moving to a distant place, help your
children learn about the new area. Moving
companies, the local chamber of commerce,
tourist bureaus, and state agencies are
possible sources of information. Use the
internet.
· By using dolls,
boxes, and a wagon, children can get a
feeling for the concept of moving through
play-acting.
· Let the
children help decide how their new rooms are
to be arranged and decorated.
· Take the time
to make a last visit to places your family
is particularly fond of.
· Encourage the
children to exchange addresses with their
friends. If practical, give thought to
allowing them to have their old friends
visit them at the new home. A telephone call
to an old friend is a low-cost way to
relieve post-move depression.
· Prepare a
package for each child containing favorite
toys, clothing, and snacks. Label it with
the child's name.
· Survey your
new home for loose steps, low overhangs, and
other possible accident-producers. Keep your
eye on the children until they become
familiar with the new home's peculiarities.
· Take a break
with the family as soon as major unpacking
is done. Don't try to do everything as soon
as you arrive.
· Both parents
should spend time with all their children
after the move, listening to what they've
learned about the new school and new
friends.
· The first few
weeks in a new school may be difficult for
your child. Follow his progress closely, and
if any problems increase, don't hesitate to
visit with his teacher. Accompanying him to
school the first few days may ease both his
and your minds.
· Younger
children may react to the move by reverting
to babyish actions. Be reassuring, not
scolding. They will soon relax and return to
normal behavior.
· Any
abnormalities that linger particularly
physical ones, such as loss of appetite,
insomnia, constipation, menstrual
disorder--should be referred to a doctor.
Point out to him that your family recently
relocated.
· If you are
moving to a radically different
environment--rural to urban, or vice
versa--caution your children about the new
situations they face.
Even adults find moving to be an
emotional wrench. How much more so, then, is
it likely to be for children, who don't have
the maturity, independence, and
understanding of a parent. You will move
many valuable possessions when you change
addresses, but none will be as precious as
your children. Give them the attention they
deserve and need.
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